I’m going to talk about two kinds of catcalling. I’m talking male to female interaction, there are lessons to be learned. I grew up as a wrestler and there I gained experience, by watching the ADHD guys and wrestler girls. And also I am a guy, so I have the male perspective.
1. Catcalling – the compliment
Remarks on the street. This is usually the a dating method: shotgun. The shotgun is used both of desperate working class men and playboys. The remarks are thrown around as a query and the goal is to hit as broad as possible. On dating sites like pof.com, guys have arranged messages they send to 20 or up to several thousand women. One of them is bound to respond. On the street they can use the dreaded shotgun by saying a short phrase to all the women they see. They continue doing this because it works. And they don’t know that it won’t work on you. It’s also unintentionally a built-in shit test, because it only works on non-edgy women.
But why do they say such “cruel” things?
This is mostly rooted in the egocentric empathy spectrum. Men project what they would want women to say to them and say it to women. They think they are nice. This backfires because women and men are different. We have different sexes and on top of that there is a lot of differences. Gender differences, including chemical and emotional differences, but also social constructs. These remarks often go like this “hey beautiful”, “hey sexy”(the most stupid common one).
Do women say similar stupid things to?
The reverse example of body compliments from men to women, is dress code compliments from women to men. Women often notice that guys get a hair cut and compliments it. “What a nice haircut”. But men let it pass and play it of with a fake smile, because they know the intention is good.
This behavior among women is enforced, when women are watching tv and are talking to each other. It is unfair to tell women what to talk to each other about, when they watch tv. Now replace women with men and clothing compliments about dress code. And you will magically have empathy to the men that hate the classic feminist stance. It’s almost as if they are saying. “Women are reducing a guys value to the clothes he is wearing. This is a result of the rape culture. Maybe one day they will grow up to become rapists.”. That sounds weird and unfair right?
How do you react?
Basically if you are a woman you should act as if the man gave you broken flowers. And men, try to give dress code ques when picking up women. Some next level sh*t. “Nice jacket”. “I like your shoes”… But.. “Hello” and “Hi” are also good ones. And women, give body ques. “You have so much muscles”, “hey sexy”… Act like it’s true. (we do that to)
What about the women who responds with insults?
Some people struggle with anxiety and react poorly to catcalling. Therefore be alert, if they react aggressive they might be in fear. Do not take this personally. Some women don’t understand what is going on. AND if you are in a big city or a place where catcalling is very common. It is annoying and overwhelming to the recipients. Think about the introverted women, the ones with autism or anxieties, that have to walk trough the big cities. Some are just stupid.
And you also have the mega insane people:
Catcalling is rape, sexual harrasment. geeee. oh mah gaaad. People aren’t accepting my oohhzing PRIVLEGE. I can’t have people talk to me and everything in the world is just flowers and rainbows. I can’t find my UNICORN.
2. Catcalling – Dochebagery in groups.
This happens when the male are in a group with two or more people or you are with someone he associate with. This has something to do with pecking orders, testing boundaries and social status. Most men see trough their friends when they do this, but it’s not always as easy to speak up to the alpha. As it will put a target on your head. I personally avoid these kinds of friends, but I’m also confident enough to destroy the social order. This behavior is not acceptable, but it’s difficult to stop. Men in groups hash out their pecking orders and keep it, unlike women who have a more fluid dynamic. #NotAll
Why do they throw insults?
They throw insults to save face, use humor to deflect rejection and are sore losers. Social order is reliant on how attractive they are to the other sex, so there are more than meets the eye in these situations.
How do you put them in their place?
The men you meet, know what they are doing is bad. There are no excuses. If they didn’t know, they would not be able to construct the sentences and be so directly in your face. It takes a lot of empathy to understand that you will not attack, or do anything. You should learn to recognize these ques. If you are worried about them, then learn a one liner or two. (This is for the west and not the crazy parts of the world)
If you confidently catch the “ninja star” and throw it back. The alpha moron, wont throw another one. He might say something like “I didn’t like you anyways”, this is a giant “Kitten”. At least it should be. He knows he got owned and to not be shamed by his friends he downplays the situation. It’s a way of deflecting defeat. You should also know, nobody would belive him and he would be less confident about doing this to someone else. A sarcastic smile can make it even worse.
A standard retard conversation:
“Hey, give my mate your number yeah?” “No, sorry I’m seeing someone.” “Want to see my d*ck, it’s bigger than your boyfriend’s?” *Silence* “Come on, I know you want it. I’ll c*m all over your t*ts, because I know you’ll like that. Then I’ll do you up the a*se, because that’s clearly where you take it. Yeah, you would like that. Why don’t you add me on Facebook?”
The kinder path:
“Hey, give my mate your number yeah?” *Silence* “I didn’t like you anyways”(sore looser whining –> victory)
With catching the ninja star and returning it:
“Hey, give my mate your number yeah?” “No”(never say sorry) “Want to see my d*ck, it’s bigger than your boyfriend’s?” Look at one of his friends. “I have seen enough”… laughter – This is a triple whammy. 1. He’s not the most attractive male in the group, you are interfering with pecking order. 2. He’s declined 3. He is ridiculed. The friends will do the rest of the work. He will be to busy with the hierarchy to care about you at that point. (This is for the west, not crazy places).
Why not say sorry?
It’s a social signal that gives of that you are a nice person. So they think that you will not make a fuzz about small things. You don’t owe this stranger an apology, don’t be politically correct. It’s probable he would just have stopped or skipped straight to deflection it you gave a clean “no” or *silence*. If you say sorry, he know he is safe to play worse.
Some final words
Don’t put yourself in danger and if you have anxieties because of this, so don’t just blame the stupid men. Seek help or look up self-help on anxiety. Be aware, this can be very scary for women who are alone in certain neighborhoods.
There is are other kinds of catcalling. I’m not going into them now, the troll, the anxious, the lonely, the never give up, the don’t understand social ques…